Hooray!! Pop cupcake Cheryl is back post January AND she’s got a new video! Yes the best hair and dimples on telly and the rest of Mrs Ferdenez- Versini (I spelt that without looking it up) has a new single and it’s called Only Human. Chezza really likes saying Only Human as it’s also the title of her album, it also means there’s less to remember.
We haven’t seen Cheryl since The X Factor last year when she may or may not have got on with Mel B and took an understandable disliking to someone called Rain. Let’s not forget as well it was Cheryl who gave us the greatest popstar of 2014, Stevi Richie, who recently described meeting her as his “wowsers in the trousers” moment. Whether or not she does come back for more wowing in trousers next year remains to be seen but rather than sit at home eating After Eight mints and watching Call the Midwife all Christmas, Cheryl was singing and practising and apparently hanging out in the desert.
Inevitably this absence from public view for six weeks led everyone to assume she must be pregnant rather than January is cold and rubbish and if you can stay in with your new French husband that’s what you absolutely should do. So Chez was happy to post a teaser photo of the video earlier in the week showing her wonderfully flat not pregnant tummy to shut everyone up and remind us to go to Spin class tomorrow.
You can’t own it until 22 March so you’ll have to watch this video a lot or buy the album and have all the songs. It’s come about after she did a very fun acoustic version of the song and the fans said “Ooh Cheryl, we love this! Go on, do it properly with a video and everything” and she said “Howay pet! I will!”
Not only that Cheryl is here to teach, here’s 11 things we can all learn from her new video…
1. Body veils are good in a sandstorm. Stops it getting in your eyes and makes a lovely silhouette.
2. Layered tutus make excellent beachwear. Who knew.
3. Crimping the ends of your hair stops static and frizz in the desert. This is excellent news for anyone who has long suffered bad hair in the heat.
4. Nudes are in. As in SHADES of nude, beige and things. She’s not Miley Cyrus.
5. You are the universe.
6. Rock hugging is the new tree hugging.
7. Chez is VERY flexible and can do that thing belly dancers do when they lean right back with their legs still bent. This hurts if you can’t do it properly.
8. If you lose an earring in the cab on the way somewhere, just let it go and wear one.
9. Feeling sand through your fingers will always be lush. And makes you want to go on holiday. In a layered tutu.
10. Remember when the pug from Men in Black had the universe in a marble on his collar? Well Cheryl’s got it in the palm of her hand. That’s right, SHE CAN HOLD IT.
12.You’re only human. Pet.