I’m about to take my show Sane New World global – I’m heading to Australia next week. I’ve done it many times on tour but it’s always nerve wracking showing it to new people. It reminds me of in my past doing show and tell at school and hoping everyone would like what I turned up with so they’d be extra nice to me and become my friend. Maybe my whole life has been one big show and tell? That I’ve done everything I’ve done just to ensure I’d always have a playdate? Oh God, I hate when I have an epiphany like this.
Sometimes when I walk down a street, I watch people I’m passing, all zipped up in their own self-made universe; planning, worrying, scheming, hoping and fantasizing. I wonder what the reality they’re carrying in those six cubic inches on top of their necks is? What TV show starring them are they watching? Whether they’re deep in conversation with someone on their phone or thinking to themselves in their head, they seem completely unaware there is anything happening outside their world.
We on the outside are detritus they have to negotiate past so we don’t block their route. I’ve never managed to lock eyes with someone who’s looking at me the way I’m looking at them, someone’s who’s curious and thinking what I might be thinking? I really don’t remember anyone looking up at me with curiosity, it’s usually a look of “What the hell are you looking at, weirdo?”
This week I’ve been in this half foot in half foot out state of mind. I know in the scheme of things, doing my show only has meaning in my head and the few who’ll see it but I can feel myself tuning inward cocooning into my thoughts going over lines, worrying, planning, hoping, fearing…. I know in the big scheme what I’m doing doesn’t matter but this week I can’t think outside my box, I’m locked in fear that my baby (my show) that I fertilized in my head for two years will be a still born or badly defected.
What is it I’m after? I love doing the show when it works but I like also like bike riding so what’s the fear and worry and excitement all about? Maybe this is what made humans survive rather than our ape brothers? We obsess to make sure our projects not just our progeny survive, and they’re just after the next banana? Who’s got the better deal? Wish me luck or, even better, come to the show.
Sane New World is touring Australia March / April 2015:
Qpac Cremorne, Brisbane, 25 – 26 March 2015
Arts Centre Melbourne, 27 March – 5 April 2015
Canberra Theatre, Tues 7 April 2015
Dunstan Playhouse, Adelaide Festival Centre, Wed 08 April
Arts Centre Gold Coast Paradise Showroom, Thur 09 April 2015
Seymour Centre – York Theatre, Sydney, Sat 11 April 2015