It wasn’t exactly classy. Granted, it was at the top of a ski slope on a beautiful sunny day in the Alps, but it was also at the kind of bar where people dance on tables and bottles of champagne arrive via zip wire. But you can’t have everything.
One moment I was gazing at the snow, drinking a G&T and telling my mate and some other girl that I was considering proposing one day. Next thing I knew I was standing on a giant beanbag, my heart hammering so hard I suspected an imminent seizure. Everyone was staring at me.
This is an interesting turn of events, I thought.
I got down on one knee (note to the wary, this is a bad idea on a giant beanbag) and I proposed marriage to my boyfriend. My mate couldn’t believe it, the other girl couldn’t believe it – it was unbelievable. My boyfriend looked flabbergasted, which is a very funny look on a man dressed in a vintage onesie.
I can see why it was surprising. An astonishingly small number of women in heterosexual relationships propose. Ever since the incident, I’ve become a sort of one-woman pressure group on the issue. I know you think I must be weird. But I’m really quite normal. I just think more women should propose.
There are lots of reasons why women don’t propose. One of the most alarming I’ve heard is a fear that the boyfriend will feel emasculated by the experience. All I can say if you’re in that position is: a man who can’t find the joy in being proposed to might end up a real buzz-kill after thirty years of marriage. Especially once the rugged sexiness of his toxic masculinity has turned to fat.
That aside, if you’re even a tiny bit curious about proposing, allow me to persuade you with six simple pros:
1. You won’t be disappointed
I know the idea of being proposed to is lovely but you know what they say – fantasies don’t come true. (Do they say that? They should.)
Perhaps your boyfriend is amazing. Perhaps he’s going to arrange for you to skydive and then, while you’re in the plane, he’ll draw ‘Will You Marry Me?’ on the ground in his own blood so you can read them from the air and land weeping in his arms.
But perhaps he’s not.
Perhaps he’s going to do something quite normal. Perhaps he’ll be so nervous that his rehearsed speech will be, dare I say it, wooden. Perhaps skydiving will make you vomit in your own face (no one warns you about that). My point is, there’s nothing like hype to elicit disappointment. As I explained to our wedding guests during the (hilarious) speech I gave at my wedding – if you want something done properly, do it yourself.
2. Everyone will think you’re totally awesome
Seriously, you will dine on the glory forever. Don’t ask me why, it’s just the way it is.
3. You can make other people look foolish
When someone asks you how/where/when your husband proposed (which they will) you can say, “Oh, actually, I proposed to him,” and then step back and watch the seven stages of grief pass across their face. The joy of this is not to be underestimated.
4. You can claim it as a feminist act
Because it is, for now. Move over hashtags and slogan tees, this is your fast-pass to badass feminism.
5. A decent ring
Proposing is a sure fire way to get a say on the ring and remember, you’ll be wearing that thing for a ruddy long time. No one needs a stab of dissapointment every time they glance down and leftward.
6. Shock and joy
You will witness pure, unadulterated shock on another human’s face, which is a rare treat. Followed by joy (hopefully).
The only fly in the otherwise fruity ointment is that some people will assume you just got tired of waiting and snapped like the old spinster in a Jane Austen novel. They will not appreciate you for the heroine you are. But still, there’s always one.
Have I persuaded you?