
Twitter can be a harsh place.
Thoughts, opinions and what you think are witty little gems are all shot into the digital ether and instantly become fodder for the numerous cyber-trolls out there.
If you’re going to survive you need a thick skin. Either that or be constantly armed with incredible comebacks.
Two chaps are quite handy when it comes to this are Piers Morgan and James Blunt. Here’s a few of Morgan’s gems…
I listen to music by The Wanted > RT @NiallOfficial @piersmorgan do u just live on twitter! What else do you do in the day?
— Piers Morgan (@piersmorgan) November 20, 2012
What’s mental is the way you spell his name > RT @nheron1: @piersmorgan @spencermorgan93 no Schemichael is mental though Piers.
— Piers Morgan (@piersmorgan) December 24, 2014
Of course, just as Muhammad Ali was an overrated boxer. Now pipe down. > RT @albie2009: @piersmorgan Bergkamp was an overrated player
— Piers Morgan (@piersmorgan) December 24, 2014
And here’s a selection of Blunt’s…
You seem to be doing just fine. RT @LlewWilliams2: Don’t understand twitter… Think it’s only for wankers like @JamesBlunt
— James Blunt (@JamesBlunt) December 24, 2014
It’s only halfway in. RT @Thomasemaan: Just realized how short James Blunt is !!!
— James Blunt (@JamesBlunt) December 19, 2014
Sorry. Wrong hole. RT @Sam_SamV: James Blunt makes my ears bleed
— James Blunt (@JamesBlunt) January 20, 2014
It’s at this point that we confess this contest was won from the start – Blunty was always going to nail it. Here’s some more examples of his genius as a reward.
And finishes in your mouth. RT @trimjim90: James Blunt gets on my tits.
— James Blunt (@JamesBlunt) February 21, 2014
Mine is anal. RT @OliviaMae_98: James Blunt is my guilty pleasure
— James Blunt (@JamesBlunt) August 8, 2014
And no mortgage. RT @hettjones: James Blunt just has an annoying face and a highly irritating voice
— James Blunt (@JamesBlunt) December 24, 2013
Oh, and how’s this for meta?
Nonsense > RT @HuffPostUK: Sorry @piersmorgan but @JamesBlunt wasTwitter comeback king of year http://t.co/1ci6QmYVTU pic.twitter.com/ed9EEy2THm
— Piers Morgan (@piersmorgan) December 24, 2014
RT @JordanSHill: What ever happened to James Blunt? pic.twitter.com/ahCI6N9ZRn
— James Blunt (@JamesBlunt) January 16, 2014
As does your missus. RT @teamtommo58: James blunt your music sucks #fact
— James Blunt (@JamesBlunt) December 31, 2013
I never liked the sound of my own voice. Till it made me rich. @SamanthaMika: Does anyone else HATE james blunt’s voice? I can’t stand it.
— James Blunt (@JamesBlunt) November 1, 2013
Nope, you’re on your own. RT @chickenoriental: I must be 1 of only 2 who genuinely likes every @jamesblunt song. The other person being him.
— James Blunt (@JamesBlunt) December 12, 2013
Only I was drunk at the time. RT @tianpogiaf: People who think you’re beautiful –
1. Your parents
2. James Blunt
— James Blunt (@JamesBlunt) December 16, 2013
Boning your mum. RT @Charlie_1232: James Blunt has a twitter, what would he even tweet about?
— James Blunt (@JamesBlunt) December 3, 2014
Because I won’t pay the child support? RT @Buizel0418: My mom hates James Blunt. xD
— James Blunt (@JamesBlunt) June 10, 2014
Damn thing’s always getting caught under my feet. RT @laurenlyall: Why does James Blunt sing like his willy is being stood on?
— James Blunt (@JamesBlunt) October 16, 2013
Only coz I turned her down. RT @anadinskywalker: my grandma just called james blunt a queer
— James Blunt (@JamesBlunt) December 15, 2013
Then you need to see a doctor. @Lewisscoot: @JamesBlunt looks like my left testicle
— James Blunt (@JamesBlunt) April 30, 2014
Jesus only needed twelve. RT @garymoody65: @JamesBlunt why you only got 200k followers?
— James Blunt (@JamesBlunt) October 29, 2013
Coming upstairs now. RT @sassyfalahee: omfg james blunt is on the tv downstairs can this day get any worse!
— James Blunt (@JamesBlunt) December 8, 2014
You seem to have sent a conceited knob with PMT to an otherwise GREAT gig. RT @Independent: Hammersmith Apollo review http://t.co/WieZsZRyKT
— James Blunt (@JamesBlunt) December 3, 2014
Interesting. What other forms of prejudice are you into? RT @sjd500: @GaryLineker James Blunt sounds a bit too posh to me to be a pop star.
— James Blunt (@JamesBlunt) November 20, 2014
.@IndyMusic I am sorry that You’re Beautiful, despite being a great song, brought out the worst in some people, including you.
— James Blunt (@JamesBlunt) October 24, 2014
Yes. RT @Doda127: Do you have to be a knob for @JamesBlunt to respond?
— James Blunt (@JamesBlunt) October 11, 2014
At least it’s not on your face. RT @MiissAshley: Nothing fucks your vibe up more than James Blunt coming on your Young Money Pandora
— James Blunt (@JamesBlunt) September 16, 2014
And it’s taken you a decade to figure that out. @MuzakirAhmed: @JamesBlunt your music’s shit
— James Blunt (@JamesBlunt) July 20, 2014
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