Twitter can be a harsh place.

Thoughts, opinions and what you think are witty little gems are all shot into the digital ether and instantly become fodder for the numerous cyber-trolls out there.

If you’re going to survive you need a thick skin. Either that or be constantly armed with incredible comebacks.

Two chaps are quite handy when it comes to this are Piers Morgan and James Blunt. Here’s a few of Morgan’s gems…

I listen to music by The Wanted > RT @NiallOfficial @piersmorgan do u just live on twitter! What else do you do in the day?

— Piers Morgan (@piersmorgan) November 20, 2012

What’s mental is the way you spell his name > RT @nheron1: @piersmorgan @spencermorgan93 no Schemichael is mental though Piers.

— Piers Morgan (@piersmorgan) December 24, 2014

Of course, just as Muhammad Ali was an overrated boxer. Now pipe down. > RT @albie2009: @piersmorgan Bergkamp was an overrated player

— Piers Morgan (@piersmorgan) December 24, 2014

And here’s a selection of Blunt’s…

You seem to be doing just fine. RT @LlewWilliams2: Don’t understand twitter… Think it’s only for wankers like @JamesBlunt

— James Blunt (@JamesBlunt) December 24, 2014

It’s only halfway in. RT @Thomasemaan: Just realized how short James Blunt is !!!

— James Blunt (@JamesBlunt) December 19, 2014

Sorry. Wrong hole. RT @Sam_SamV: James Blunt makes my ears bleed

— James Blunt (@JamesBlunt) January 20, 2014

It’s at this point that we confess this contest was won from the start – Blunty was always going to nail it. Here’s some more examples of his genius as a reward.

And finishes in your mouth. RT @trimjim90: James Blunt gets on my tits.

— James Blunt (@JamesBlunt) February 21, 2014

Mine is anal. RT @OliviaMae_98: James Blunt is my guilty pleasure

— James Blunt (@JamesBlunt) August 8, 2014

And no mortgage. RT @hettjones: James Blunt just has an annoying face and a highly irritating voice

— James Blunt (@JamesBlunt) December 24, 2013

Oh, and how’s this for meta?

Nonsense > RT @HuffPostUK: Sorry @piersmorgan but @JamesBlunt wasTwitter comeback king of year http://t.co/1ci6QmYVTU pic.twitter.com/ed9EEy2THm

— Piers Morgan (@piersmorgan) December 24, 2014

RT @JordanSHill: What ever happened to James Blunt? pic.twitter.com/ahCI6N9ZRn

— James Blunt (@JamesBlunt) January 16, 2014

As does your missus. RT @teamtommo58: James blunt your music sucks #fact

— James Blunt (@JamesBlunt) December 31, 2013

I never liked the sound of my own voice. Till it made me rich. @SamanthaMika: Does anyone else HATE james blunt’s voice? I can’t stand it.

— James Blunt (@JamesBlunt) November 1, 2013

Nope, you’re on your own. RT @chickenoriental: I must be 1 of only 2 who genuinely likes every @jamesblunt song. The other person being him.

— James Blunt (@JamesBlunt) December 12, 2013

Only I was drunk at the time. RT @tianpogiaf: People who think you’re beautiful –
1. Your parents
2. James Blunt

— James Blunt (@JamesBlunt) December 16, 2013

Boning your mum. RT @Charlie_1232: James Blunt has a twitter, what would he even tweet about?

— James Blunt (@JamesBlunt) December 3, 2014

Because I won’t pay the child support? RT @Buizel0418: My mom hates James Blunt. xD

— James Blunt (@JamesBlunt) June 10, 2014

Damn thing’s always getting caught under my feet. RT @laurenlyall: Why does James Blunt sing like his willy is being stood on?

— James Blunt (@JamesBlunt) October 16, 2013

Only coz I turned her down. RT @anadinskywalker: my grandma just called james blunt a queer

— James Blunt (@JamesBlunt) December 15, 2013

Then you need to see a doctor. @Lewisscoot: @JamesBlunt looks like my left testicle

— James Blunt (@JamesBlunt) April 30, 2014

Jesus only needed twelve. RT @garymoody65: @JamesBlunt why you only got 200k followers?

— James Blunt (@JamesBlunt) October 29, 2013

Coming upstairs now. RT @sassyfalahee: omfg james blunt is on the tv downstairs can this day get any worse!

— James Blunt (@JamesBlunt) December 8, 2014

You seem to have sent a conceited knob with PMT to an otherwise GREAT gig. RT @Independent: Hammersmith Apollo review http://t.co/WieZsZRyKT

— James Blunt (@JamesBlunt) December 3, 2014

Interesting. What other forms of prejudice are you into? RT @sjd500: @GaryLineker James Blunt sounds a bit too posh to me to be a pop star.

— James Blunt (@JamesBlunt) November 20, 2014

.@IndyMusic I am sorry that You’re Beautiful, despite being a great song, brought out the worst in some people, including you.

— James Blunt (@JamesBlunt) October 24, 2014

Yes. RT @Doda127: Do you have to be a knob for @JamesBlunt to respond?

— James Blunt (@JamesBlunt) October 11, 2014

At least it’s not on your face. RT @MiissAshley: Nothing fucks your vibe up more than James Blunt coming on your Young Money Pandora

— James Blunt (@JamesBlunt) September 16, 2014

And it’s taken you a decade to figure that out. @MuzakirAhmed: @JamesBlunt your music’s shit

— James Blunt (@JamesBlunt) July 20, 2014