Is there anyone else who feels totally cheated by their SciFi? You see, as I get older, see more, experience more, become wiser (he say cautiously as wife coughs a loud, ‘ahem’) I think my saddest discovery has been those films and stories – that I lapped up quicker than Jabba the Hutt at a Princess Leia convention – have been telling me one or two major porkies.
I mean, this is supposed to be the year of Marty McFly’s jaunt into the future, with all the techno-doohickys I thought would be waiting for me when we finally cast off the caveman-ness of the 1980s and blazed into the technical wonderland of 2015. Don’t get me wrong, I’m very grateful for all the gadgets mankind has invented – many of which were speculated in the minds of the Science Fiction visionaries (Trekkies do love their Bluetooth headphones, oh and flip-phones), I am however more than miffed some of my favourites didn’t make it.
And yes I do have a list.
It’s not the full list – and one that’s not confined to Back to the Future II (or BttF2 in newer parlance – seeing that 4 words and 2 letters expend too much of an effort these days) but it does note those things I really had a hankering for:
• The most obvious one; Flying Cars – been gagging for one of those since I was a nipper, and fully expected one by 1999. Oh, and yes, trackless railways – or is a McFly hover-board really too much to ask for?
• Robot Butlers – or any breed of home robot, and not just a vacuum cleaner, I’m talking with legs and arms, and attitude, you know a Kryton kinda thing but makes toast one minute then dominates humanity the next.
• Talk Back Computers – and not just on a mobile phone, again with attitude and a desire to dominate … perhaps annihilate.
• Floating Cities – to go with our flying cars and trackless railways.
• Bionic Limbs – sure we’ve got some nifty prosthetics, but I’m talking leaping buildings and bending iron with your little finger. Comes in handy for all those dominating robots – if a positronic microprocessor doesn’t do some kind of mind swap thingy.
• Mars Bases – or even Moon Bases, Space Stations maybe, but for everyone and with a shop selling Moon balloons, and ‘I Heart Space’ T-shirts … sticks of rock with ‘MOON’ written all the way through.
• Holographic Tellys – big disappointment here, expected them by the 1990s.
• Aliens as our mates, or maybe robot mates, or just a robot dog – or cat. Robocats. Killer Robocats.
We did get some cool things though:
• Televisions that hang on the wall.
• Pocket phones and televisions.
• Swishy doors and … a robot vacuum cleaner (not the killer type … yet).
Better than nothing I suppose, and I do love ’em. Just wish I could book myself and the missus two weeks at the Sea of Tranquility Theme Park and Resort; take the Low-gravity Death Jump – not suitable for children (unless they’re wrecking your head that is) – grab a snog under the light of good old Mother Earth (symbolically of course – bad idea to flip up your space-helmet visor) – dine on the finest four course food pill – then discover the hostile alien attack force lurking on the dark side of the moon, waiting for their chance to invade and turn us all into human batteries … or dinner … ah the memories.
Careful now …
By the way – for all you people out there older than 15, just remember those younger than you never even saw the 20th Century … mad eh?